The King's Gardeners Ministries

Reverend S. L. Gardner

Spokane Valley, Washington U.S.


- The Issue of Abuse -


TRYING TO MIX MARRIAGE COUNSELING AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS NOT GOOD. IT USUALLY WON'T WORK. Normally marriage counselors are not trained to deal with the manipulative power of the abuser.

Compromise can become manipulation that in a different situation would be healthy. In an abusive relationship these techniques can deepen the abusers belief that their behavior is somehow justified even though the counselor may condemn the outright act.

Seek a person who is skilled in domestic violence as a specialty. You can find these programs through your local domestic violence agencies.

What made the man agree that he is an abuser?

He recognized that what he was doing was wrong.

He was afraid of losing his wife. (However some abusers see the threat of losing his wife as a play for control and will respond with inappropriate actions)

Any behavior that causes fear is abuse.

In 90% of cases men are the aggressors

Abusive men usually don't express their feelings correctly or identify them correctly.

By emphasizing personal responsibility and hooking good choices to identity the decision to make changes is helpful.

The men usually don't like themselves so they blame shift.

Blame shifting - Always the woman is the reason he was angry. The woman can't please the men.

I wasn't allowed to have an opinion different from his.

When I did he would be unhappy and explode because He felt anything was a compromise. He didn't "win".

He would physically intimidate me.

Abuse creates a false sense of control.

Cycle of violence

ANOTHER GROUP - Family Life Skills Learning Group, Champagne Illinois

Works with the family - Director Dixie Carter

RAVEN is the name of a batterers intervention in St. Louis

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The King's Gardeners Ministries is based in Washington State U.S. with all proper Corporate Reports on file with the Secretary of State for Washington U.S. Reverend S. L. Gardner President and CEC.

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