The King's Gardeners Ministries
Reverend S. L. Gardner
Spokane Valley, Washington U.S.
- The Issue of Abuse -
Predictors Of Domestic
The following signs often
occur before actual abuse and may serve as clues to potential abuse:
1. Did he grow up in a
violent family? People who grow up in families where they have been abused
as children, or where one parent beats the other, have grown up learning that
violence is normal behavior.
2. Does he tend to use
force or violence to "solve" his problems? A young man who has a
criminal record for violence, who gets into fights, or who likes to act tough
is likely to act the same way with his wife and children. Does he have a quick
temper? Does he over-react to little problems and frustration? Is he cruel
to animals? Does he punch walls or throw things when he's upset? Any of these
behaviors may be a sign of a person who will work out bad feelings with violence.
3. Does he abuse alcohol
or other drugs? There is a strong link between violence and problems with
drugs and alcohol. Be alert to his possible drinking/drug problems, particularly
if he refuses to admit that he has a problem, or refuses to get help. Do not
think that you can change him.
4. Does he have strong
traditional ideas about what a man should be and what a woman should be? Does
he think a woman should stay at home, take care of her husband, and follow
his wishes and orders?
5. Is he jealous of your
other relationships-not just with other men that you may know-but also with
your women friends and your family? Does he keep tabs on you? Does he want
to know where you are at all times? Does he want you with him all of the time?
6. Does he have access
to guns, knives, or other lethal instruments? Does he talk of using them against
people, or threaten to use them to get even?
7. Does he expect you
to follow his orders or advice? Does he become angry if you do not fulfill
his wishes or if you cannot anticipate what he wants?
8. Does he go through
extreme highs and lows, almost as though he is two different people? Is he
extremely kind one time, and extremely cruel at another time?
9. When he gets angry,
do you fear him? Do you find that not making him angry has become a major
part of your life? Do you do what he wants you to do, rather than what you
want to do?
10. Does he treat you
roughly? Does he physically force you to do what you do not want to do?
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