The King's Gardeners Ministries
Reverend S. L. Gardner
Spokane Valley, Washington U.S.
- The Issue of Abuse -
What is Sexual Addiction
Sex Addiction can involve
a wide variety of practices. Sometimes an addict has trouble with just one
unwanted behavior, sometimes with many. A large number of sex addicts say
their unhealthy use of sex has been a progressive process. It may have started
with an addiction to masturbation, pornography (either printed or electronic),
or a relationship, but over the years progressed to increasingly dangerous
The essence of all addiction is the addicts' experience of powerlessness over a compulsive behavior, resulting in their lives becoming unmanageable. The addict is out of control and experiences tremendous shame, pain and self-loathing. The addict may wish to stop --- yet repeatedly fails to do so. The unmanageability of addicts' lives can be seen in the consequences they suffer: losing relationships, difficulties with work, arrests, financial troubles, a loss of interest in things not sexual, low self-esteem and despair.
Sexual preoccupation takes up tremendous amounts of energy. As this increases for the sex addict, a pattern of behavior (or rituals) follows, which usually leads to acting out (for some it is flirting, searching the net for pornography, or driving to the park.) When the acting out happens, there is a denial of feelings usually followed by despair and shame or a feeling of hopelessness and confusion
A Useful Tool for Self-Assessment
Answer these twelve questions to assess whether you may have a problem with sexual addiction.
1. Do you keep secrets about your sexual or romantic activities from those important to you? Do you lead a double life?
2. Have your needs driven you to have sex in places or situations or with people you would not normally choose?
3. Do you find yourself
looking for sexually arousing articles or scenes in newspapers, magazines,
or other media?
4. Do you find that romantic
or sexual fantasies interfere with your relationships or are preventing you
from facing problems?
5. Do you frequently want
to get away from a sex partner after having sex? Do you frequently feel remorse,
shame, or guilt after a sexual encounter?
6. Do you feel shame about
your body or your sexuality, such that you avoid touching your body or engaging
in sexual relationships? Do you fear that you have no sexual feelings, that
you are asexual?
7. Does each new relationship
continue to have the same destructive patterns which prompted you to leave
the last relationship?
8. Is it taking more variety
and frequency of sexual and romantic activities than previously to bring the
same levels of excitement and relief?
9. Have you ever been
arrested or are you in danger of being arrested because of your practices
of voyeurism, exhibitionism, prostitution, sex with minors, indecent phone
10. Does your pursuit
of sex or romantic relationships interfere with your spiritual beliefs or
11. Do your sexual activities
include the risk, threat, or reality of disease, pregnancy, coercion, or violence?
12. Has your sexual or
romantic behavior ever left you feeling hopeless, alienated from others, or
If you answered yes to more than one of these questions, we would encourage you to seek out assistance to find experienced therapists at your church or to attend a Sex Addicts Anonymous meeting to further assess your needs. 12 Step Programs Can help.
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The King's Gardeners Ministries is based in Washington State U.S. with all proper Corporate Reports on file with the Secretary of State for Washington U.S. Reverend S. L. Gardner President and CEC.