With Justice for ALL (quote from the pledge of allegience U.S.A.)
This is an informational website offering support not legal advise
IN THE MATTER OF THE MARRIAGE OF J O C AND K K C AND IN THE INTEREST OF A J C, C A C, A J C MINOR CHILD
COUNTER-PETITION FOR RECONCILIATION
On Saturday, November 16, 1991 I entered into a covenant marriage relationship with my soul mate, and love of my life, J. O. C. We confessed our love for each other and swore our vows before God and many witnesses "to love, honor and cherish each other, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, till death do us part."
In our culture we are accustomed to contracts whose obligations are limited and are often written with loopholes to provide escape from these terms. Covenants are NOT Contracts, and contain NO loopholes. Marriages, like business partnerships, don't work out automatically. They require heavy investments, by both parties, of time, effort, and otherwise permissible enjoyments forgone. No one should take offense at the comparison between marriage and a business partnership: Of course, marriage is much more than a business partnership; the problem with modern no-fault law is that it treats marriage as much less than a business partnership.
To give marriage contracts the same level of enforcement that we give business contracts, though perhaps still not adequate, would nonetheless be a considerable improvement over the status quo. A covenant is an agreement between two people that is sacred and binding. The Bible declares marriage to be a covenant (not contract) agreement "... because the Lord was witness to the covenant made at your marriage..."
When J and I married we entered into this covenant with God and the Bible is very clear about making covenants, expressing "wedding" vows, and then attempting to dissolve them. "When you make a vow to God, do not delay in fulfilling it. He has no pleasure in fools; fulfill your vow. It is better to not vow than to make a vow and not fulfill it." Ecc. 5:4-5 (NIV)
As a "token" of this covenant made between God, J and I, we exchanged wedding rings which is to be a constant reminder of our covenant before God. The covenant agreement obligates J and I to the relationship and to ensuring its continuation. Even if J has left the marriage, God still considers the covenant in force. "..... because the Lord was witness (to the covenant made at your marriage) between you and the wife of your youth against whom you have dealt treacherously and to whom you were faithless. Yet she is your companion and the wife of your covenant (made by your marriage vows.) " Mal 2:14 (AMP) "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." Eph. 6:31 The scripture "What God hath joined together let no man put asunder"
Matt. 19:6, does not only apply to those that he has chosen as marriage partners for each other. In Joshua chapter 9 a covenant was entered into with deceit and without consulting God. Yet God required that the covenant be honored. God expects no less of J and I in our marriage even if circumstances have been less than His best.
However I know (and J has verbally agreed with in the past numerous times) that J and I were brought together by God and that this marriage is ordained by him, and that this separation is a part of the "better or worse" that we vowed to remain faithful throughout. I have remained faithful to J from the day we met, and vow to stay faithful to our covenant vows until death do us part.
The home is the basic unit of society. It is the function of the home to provide companionship, the satisfaction of basic human needs and the rearing and training of children. The community, the church, and the nation can only be strong when the home is strong. Many evil forces seek to destroy the home today. Among these evil forces are easy divorce laws, sexual immorality, false views of woman's role in society, but most of all, ignorance of, and a failure to obey God's law of marriage which is given in the Bible.
The Lord allowed only one cause for divorce (because of the hardness of man's hearts, and the unwillingless to forgive), this cause is sexual unfaithfulness on the part of one's marriage partner. However, Scholarly research has shown this passage is linked to incestuous relationships, homosexual marriages, and unfaithfulness during the betrothal period.
Regardless of J' sexual immorality, that he KNOWS in his heart is wrong, yet he has justified in his mind by my actions, my love for him has not, and will not cease to exist. To divorce and remarry is to commit adultery. To marry one who has been divorced is to commit adultery "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery." (Matt. 19:9 NKJV) .
Adulterers will not go to Heaven. They will spend eternity in Hell "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, not idolaters, not adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor theives, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God. "(1 Corinthians 6:9,10) "Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge" (Hebrews 13:4) "But the cowardly, unbelieving, abominable, murderers, sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars shall have their part in the lake which burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second death." (Revelation 21:8).
Those who are living in adultery must repent, stop committing adultery and seek the Lord's forgiveness if they want to be saved from eternal damnation. "Not every one who says to me Lord, Lord shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he who does the will of my father which is in heaven. Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord have we not prophesied in your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in your name? And then will I declare to them, I never knew you, depart from me, you who practice lawlessness.
"Matt 7:21-23. Adultery will not nullify our covenant before God, and a "divorce" will not end covenant. "My covenant will I not break nor alter the thing that has gone out of my lips." Psalm 89:33-34. Any relationship or soul ties developed outside of our marriage covenant, during or after a legalized "divorce" whether it be me or him, in God's eyes is adultery, which is sin. J will be my covenant husband until death do us part. "For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband." (Romans 7:2-3) God's people must never compromise God's will on marriage! We have no right to change God's requirements!
In a day when the world increasingly accepts divorce and remarriage for almost any cause, God's people must stand out as lights shining in darkness (Philippians 2:13,14). It is not our duty to be changed by the world's standards, but to seek to bring the world to God's standards (Romans 12:1,2). To this end, we should strive diligently to make our homes conform to God's righteous ways recorded in His Word.
It is very important that we teach our children that marriage is for life and divorce is sin. "Without understanding... COVENANTBREAKERS... who knowing the judgement of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death.." (Rom. 1:31-32)
According to my research a married person must show the court that there has been a breakdown of the marriage. A judge will accept that there is a breakdown of the marriage if: if the spouse who is being divorced has committed adultery during the marriage; or if the spouse who is being divorced has treated the other spouse with physical or mental cruelty that is bad enough that the spouse can't tolerate it any more.
Adultery means voluntary sexual intercourse between a spouse and any person other than his wife or her husband until a spouse DIES. Both of the above incidents are FALSE in this case, thus supporting my request for court mandated marriage counseling in an effort to keep my family together. God will not honor a new covenant that violates an existing one.
In a will the property can not be distributed before the death of the owner. In the same way, the estate of the covenant can not be distributed before the death of the old covenant. Therefore OUR home, OUR vehicles, OUR retirement, OUR children, can not be divided between us, according to God's laws, until there is death by one partner of the marriage covenant.
Adultery or any other sin is not strong enough to break a covenant. As a Covenant partner, I have agreed before God to love J above all others, to lay down my life for him, to fight to keep anyone from coming between our covenant, and to place the very needs of him ahead of my own. "Love is very patient and kind, never jealous or envious, never boastful or proud, never haughty, selfish or rude. Love does not demand its own way. It is not irritable or touchy. It does not hold grudges and will hardly even notice when others do it wrong. If you love someone you will be loyal to him no matter what the cost. You will always believe in him, always expect the best of him, and always stand your ground in defending him." 1 Cor. 13:4-7 (TLB)
I realize that in the past years of our marriage I did not have a full understanding of covenant and did not fulfill my part in lifting my covenant husband high up above anyone else on earth. I took for granted that we would always be together, and I neglected to care for him in the way a covenant spouse should. God has, through this separation allowed me to see the importance of unconditional love and forgiveness in a marriage covenant.
I vow to J now, in the presence of God and anyone who reads this, that my love for him, has not, and will not cease, but it continues to grow deeper and stronger as the days pass by. Upon reconciliation of our marriage, I will be the wife and mother that God wants me to be, and J' needs will be satisfied before my own, I will love him, cherish him, be patient and kind with him, his place will be the Spiritual head of our household, as God intended, and our children will love and respect him as such.
I have realized that there is no cause for strife over petty things, and refuse to be a part of discord in our home and marriage. I have sought guidance on what things in my life needed to be changed in order to have a happy marriage and home and have made giant steps in making these changes. I have many witnesses who will come forward to testify if need be, that I am not the same person that I was even a year ago. But I have made an extreme effort to keep this home and family together as God so desires.
I made a vow to J after he left that I would do whatever it took to keep this marriage together, and I will not go back on that. He has confirmed to me since his departure that he "did not want things to turn out this way." That he thought "we would always be together," and he "has always just wanted to do what God has wanted him to do." How can he say that God does not want him to work on this marriage, when God so plainly in his word says that divorce is a sin. God does not contradict himself, and it is ".... impossible for God to lie." Hebrews 6:18.
In my eyes, and the eyes of God, J is a mighty man of God, one who is well known and previously respected for his faith in God by his peers and in the community. He will confirm to you that God placed a call on his life at an early age, and he desires to fulfill that call. He will confirm to you that he desires to live in God's perfect will for his life. (Covenant Marriage IS God's perfect will, or else he would not have said it in the Bible) He will confirm to you that after he left he told me several times that he "would not have left if I had not asked him to," and he still tells the children to this day that is the reason he left, however he fails to acknowledge the many times that I asked him to return. I asked him to leave on the basis that I felt time was needed for each of us to see what areas of our life needed to be changed to make our marriage continue on as God has instructed in his word.
Previously I have made many mistakes, I have never been perfect, have never claimed to be, I have asked for forgiveness from God and J, God has forgiven me, My past is not what is on trial here. By dwelling on the negativity in our marriage and my neglects from the past and refusing to forgive me, my husband is questioning the ability of the blood of Jesus to wash away sin. Through this separation he has put the blood of Jesus on trial. So, does it wash away sin or not? Can people really change? When you come to genuine repentance there is a change. "Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. " Eph 4:31-32
I have changed in all areas of my life. My desire is to have a reconciled marriage. I know that God is on record to reconcile marriage covenants. In Gen. 16 & 21, Hagar, the non-covenant wife of Abraham, had to leave. In Hosea 2&3 Gomer was restored to Hosea out of a non-covenant marriage. In 1 Samuel 18:17-30 and 2 Samuel 3:13-16 Michal was restored to David, the husband of her youth, out of a non-covenant marriage. In Ezra 9 & 10 God, through the priest, instructed 113 men to divorce their non-covenant wives and RETURN to their covenant marriages. (Remember the second marriage was not even considered a marriage in God's eyes because the first spouse was still alive.)
God has blessed us with the birth of 3 beautiful, healthy children. J loves his children, and has always been there for them from the second each one was born, up until this time of separation, and since then he has spent appoximately 30 days with our children, the other 325 days I have attempted to be both mother and father to our children who do not understand why their friends have a daddy who lives with them, but they don't.
During this past year he has not given me one penny of cash to buy the children food or anything else, but God has provided for our well being. He has supported us with rent payments, and car payments. He knowingly left me with no cash money(he failed to deposit his last 3 paychecks) and no job(he always told me he could work a few hours of overtime for what I could make in a week), and the responsiblity of 3 small children to raise and care for on my own. I continued to pay his insurance for 6 months on the understanding that he was to give me the money for it, yet he never did.
My husband is not putting forth a good example for our children as he continues to spend the weekend with this other woman even when our children are present, he took her camping with our children while he slept beside her in their presence, impressionable minds, being exposed to shameless sin..... he allows our children to spend the night at her house each and every weekend that he has had them for the past 3 months, he has blocked my calls from her house, and from his sisters house where he "resides", however he lists the other woman's address on this futile attempt to legalize his adultery.
If I need to reach my children over the weekends with him, it has been made impossible. As per an earlier counseling session with Attorney C B, he advised me to get a restraining order against the other woman because it was not in the best interest of my children to see their father with another woman, kissing another woman, and especially allowing them to spend the night at her house without my consent. I did not want to go this route, but I have repeatedly asked my husband to not take our children around this other woman, as this is providing a very negative influence on our children, and contradicting everything that I am trying to instill in them. I have asked him repeatedly to take them to church, yet he adamantly refuses. "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." Prov 22:6.
I now request a restraining order against R C from our children as having any contact with them whatsoever. She is not a part of our family, and our children are not getting the attention that they need from their father when they are spending their weekends with him at this other woman's small apartment.
It is well-documented that after divorce women's income generally goes down, therefore causing the increase in welfare recepients & benefits which is being funded by YOU, the tax-payers. We wouldn't have so many single-parent families, depending on tax-payers for their health and well-being if we attempted to keep families together, as God intended and commanded. I have approached my husband about helping to pay childcare so that I can get a full time job, but he says "that is not his problem". When I informed him we had no heat in our home, his response was "that is not my problem." How can someone who father's 3 children say "that is not his problem???" I am expected to maintain my home, car, and family on my own, paying my own way, yet do so working a 22 hour work week He gets a new truck, yet when I come to him for help, its "not his problem." When my husband left he stated that I could have the house, car, everything but his blazer.
I love my husband, I want him to come home, I will not divorce him, "For the Lord God of Israel says that he HATES divorce, For it covers one's garment with violence," Mal. 2:16, however until he chooses to come home I expect to keep everything as it is currently along with receiving a minimum of $---- per month child support, "But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel." I Tim. 5:8, medical & dental insurance and alimony.
I have been economically dependent on J for all of our 8 year marriage. Since alimony is tax deductible for J, it should help decrease the taxes he will owe. I expect to start receiving this immediately so that we can get heat, plus back support from Dec. 30, 1998 until our marriage is fully reconciled. He should not expect me to be mother and father every day for our children, while he chooses to endulge in selfish pleasures.
I also feel the court should require him to call his children at least once a week to talk with them and assure them that he loves them. The feel very abandoned by their father, and they do not understand why he will not come home when we all love him, and want him here.
Please do not demand that I give up my rights in my marriage covenant that God has ordained. Allow me to fulfill my covenant vows with my husband, as I so greatly desire. To follow God's law "What God hath joined together, let NO MAN put asunder." I will not participate in anything which goes against God's commandments. I will not divorce my husband, I love him, I forgive him, I want him home. His children need him home.
Please do not deny me any and all efforts to reconcile this family. I request a trial by jury if this appeal for marriage counseling can not be settled out of court, I request the other woman be brought in to testify that she is willfully commiting adultery with my husband, knowing that he is married.
I do not want the other woman around our children or my husband, she is only a hinderance to this reconcilliation and therefore I request that my husband's visitation with my children be limited to keeping the children at our home, as he does not have an adequate place of residency to keep our 3 children. I will leave for those weekends and he can keep them at our home alone.
I request that his sister be brought in to testify that she keeps our children while my husband goes off with the other woman during the few hours that he has with them.
I request to bring in a couple who's marriage was reconciled to testify of the positive results that have come from this reconciliation.
I request to bring witnesses to testify of how we have not had adequate counseling, and bring proof to show the court that my husband truly loves me, as he has shown to me over the past 8 years of our marriage.
I want to bring in a counselor to show that my husband is hurt, harboring unforgiveness, and he is attempting to divorce me by the pressures of another woman.
I request to bring in kids from broken homes to share how divorce has negatively affected their life, and how much respect they would have had for someone who stood up and ruled against the separation of their family.
I request our IRA retirement records to be pulled showing how the other woman has coaxed him into cashing in OUR retirement and that I never saw one penny of money due me. Recognize the increase in juvenile crime from children of divorce, this should prove to you that all means should be taken to attempt to reconcile as many families as possible, to not allow more children to feel the rejection and abandonment which is felt by divorce.
My children are hurting, whether their father sees it or not, out of hurt and pain is where problem children come from. If you've ever witnessed a heartbroken child, sobbing uncontrollably, because it feels unloved, unwanted, and also responsible for the divorce, you'll begin to have some concept of what divorce is all about, and why God does not and cannot, honor divorce. Many troubled teens are from divorced families. Girls and boys both go searching for affection, and love from the missing parent. They commit sexual acts with a variety of partners simply because they are searching for the love and affection missing from a loving father.
Boys miss the male guidance they desperately need. Teens feel abandoned and unwanted when their parents are divorced, and they are deprived of the secure feeling that should have been established in the home. Research shows 30 percent of children still suffer after 5 yrs following divorce.
The feelings of abandonment are ones that no one would understand unless they too had been abandoned. I was abandoned by my father, I KNOW the feelings of resentment and hurt that I had.
Our society needs someone who cares, someone who will stand up and say YES to families and NO to divorce. "Our society has found something which lowers crime rate, increases people's chances of finding work, improves their education, and contributes happiness and well-being. That institution is called marriage. It is perhaps the most important institution in our society. We are right to believe in it. " -William Hague, Leader of a Conservative Party.
I want my children to know that the legal system is not against families, but they are for reconciliation. It's time we begin bringing down our out-of-control divorce rate and start standing up for FAMILIES!
A system that allows no-fault divorces are in all actuality saying that they support marriage-destroying behavior. It says to potentially malfeasant spouses: You can do anything you want, and it won't impair either your right to a divorce or your chances of a favorable economic settlement. Change that, mandate a lengthy term of Marriage Counseling and adequate attempts for reconciliation, and if all else fails... MAKE the party at fault PAY! That way, there will be less divorce, and more marriages will survive, more children will experience the security that only comes from having both of their parents under the same roof.
I truly desire to forgive and forget and make this marriage work, God has a great ministry for this family, my husband knows that he is doing wrong or else he would be able to pray and allow God to guide his steps. God does not guide you into a adultery, God does not tell you to divorce your wife. I am doing everything within my power to make him desire to come home, he can not say that I am not doing 110% effort to make this marriage work.
My husband has a communication problem and once we are able to open these lines of communication between us, and sit down together and talk about the problems from our marriage and work them out together, I know that reconciliation will follow.
For the sake of my children, I ask that you vote in favor of the FAMILY, not in favor of the destruction caused by separation and divorce. I know he loves me & misses me, I know he is covering up his hurts and pains by seeking comfort in the arms of another woman, I know he is searching for happiness, I know he will never find happiness until he cries out to God in repentence.
God is the only thing that can fill the void in his life, happiness can not be found in another woman, in a new truck, in "toys." Happiness is found by knowing God and being a part of a loving family, which God has ordained. I know that I love my husband with all of my heart, I do not have any desire to be with anyone but him, & my kids pray every day for their daddy to come home.
In short this is what I want:
First and foremost, for my husband to come home and not make our children be without their family together on Christmas, but if my husband refuses to this, then one year court mandated marriage counseling (My husband and I have not had adequate counseling on how to reconcile this marriage, as falsely insinutated in the original petition for divorce), all assets as they are currently, $----- child support per month, plus alimony, medical & dental insurance for our children, an immediate restraining order against R C(as per Attorney ---------), and notification of any court dates.
Please do not rule against me for taking a stand for my family. Please support me in this stand, support reconciliation of families, not separation and destruction of everything that is right and ordained by God. Rule for Marriage counseling. Anyone can be a father, but it takes someone Special to be a daddy! For the kids.... they need their daddy home!
Prayer Respondent prays that the petitioner would realize how much I love him and how I will continue to fight for him as long as necessary. I pray that he would remember the many times he told me that our disagreements always brought us closer together, and this is not the way our marriage was suppose to turn out. I pray that he would open the lines of communication between us that he has so sternly closed, and begin to share with me everything that he is feeling, and everything that he sees that I have done wrong. I pray that he will realize that his family is here at -------, in the house that TOGETHER we have made a home for the past 8 years. I pray that he will desire to make an effort to put our family back together. I pray that he will not have to look back years from now with regret because he gave up so easily. I pray that he will remember the moment the church doors were opened, 3 hours late on November 16, 1991, and he looked into the eyes of his bride, the wife of his covenant. He loves me, he has shared with many people over the years how much he truly loves me, love can not just go away, I pray that he would attend marriage counseling with me and allow his heart to be mended and the hurts to go away. I pray that he would realize that a divorce does not end a marriage covenant, it only adds more hurt and pain to an already broken heart.
As we go into the year 2000 I pray that many families here and around the world will see the restoration of all that the enemy has robbed and that keeping covenant in marriage is not only the right thing to do, but will again become the NORMAL thing to do. "Whoever hears these sayings of mine, and does them, I will liken him to a wise man who built his house on the rock: and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it did not fall, for it was founded on the rock. But everyone who hears these sayings of mine, and does NOT do them, will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand: and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, and it FELL. And great was its fall." Matthew 8:24-27 Respondent prays for reconciliation!
Respectfully submitted, K K C Covenant wife of J O C To the best of my knowledge, God is the only defense I need. For God is my defense, My God of mercy shall come to meet me; God shall let me see my desire.... Psalm 59:10 For the preaching of the cross is to them that perish foolishness; but unto us which are saved it is the power of God. 1 Cor. 1:18