The King's Gardeners Ministries

Reverend S. L. Gardner

Spokane, Washington US

Cheating husbands regret affairs

June 28, 2001

DEAR ABBY: I have a true story to share. It's the story of a man who married his high school sweetheart. She supported him through college, encouraged him to pursue a degree and gave him two beautiful children. She worked full time and went without to give more. He, on the other hand, never helped around the house and became obsessed with his job.

A female co-worker began to flirt, flatter and confide in him about her inattentive husband. He allowed himself to be convinced an affair was justified because his wife was so busy rearing his children. Soon the affair became common knowledge. He had to leave his home and family, which suddenly seemed invaluable.

Abby, I traded everything important in life for a woman who's not fit to wipe my wife's shoes. Although I never strayed before, my reputation is ruined. My children will never respect me again.

If there is a man reading this who's considering following in my footsteps, I hope my letter makes him think twice. He should go home, help his wife, be part of his children's lives and stop believing he should be the center of everyone's attention.

If a married man is tempted by another woman, I guarantee she's selfish and only looking out for her own needs. And if he marries her, what he'll have is an adulteress who lies and cheats. I wish I could change everything I have done.

- Sadder but Wiser

DEAR SADDER: I'm printing your warning. Anyone who reads it and fluffs it off thinking your story is unusual, please read on:

DEAR ABBY: Two years ago, I met "Liz," the woman of my dreams. My marriage of 1 1/2 years was rocky. Liz was ambitious, hard-working, exciting and fun - everything I thought my wife wasn't. Liz was an airline pilot. Over dinner, we told each other our tales of woe. I walked her to her car; she kissed me. Two hours later I was an adulterer. Because we're both pilots, we could meet without suspicion during overnight layovers in other cities.

We discussed marriage and children. I felt some guilt about what this would do to my 1-year-old son, but the thought of divorcing my wife was surprisingly easy. After three months, Liz suddenly became cold and distant. She said she needed time to think things through. Several months later, I learned she was marrying a wealthy man she had met while we were involved. I was devastated.

I'm now divorced. My ex and I are trying to reconcile, but it doesn't look good. If things don't work out, my desire to become involved with another woman is completely gone. The expensive lesson I learned is don't take the easy way out. If your marriage is unhappy, get professional help. Identify what's wrong before venturing down a destructive path. I have lost everything important to me - my son, the respect of my ex-wife, family and friends, and my own self-respect. I'm reminded every time I look in the mirror.

- So Sorry in Southern California

DEAR SO SORRY AND OTHER MARRIED MEN WITH THE URGE TO WANDER:

There you have it - not one object lesson but two. Let me add a thought for the day: If you don't value what you have, you're sure to lose it.

Write to Dear Abby at Universal Press Syndicate, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069. For a reply, send a self-addressed, stamped envelope.

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