The King's Gardeners Ministries
Reverend S. L. Gardner
Spokane, Washington US
- Questions and Answers -
|This section of the site is dedicated to questions asked by real people and answered by Rev. Gardner none of these answers are expected to be a difinitive response but may help in your quest for understanding. Names have been changed for the sake of privacy.|
Answers to friends of the opposite sex.
Your name is the same as my youngest daughter-- and she was named after the mother of Jesus-- so I will address you as if
1) you were my daughter, and I have five of them and I'm a good mom and
2) you desire to operate as did the mother of Jesus, submitting yourself to God's perfect will: "Behold the handmaid of the Lord: be it done unto me ACCORDING TO YOUR WORD."
Please know that I'm saying all this as I would say it to a daughter of mine, in LOVE, and concern, but without mincing words.
First, I want to say, your language is the WORLD'S. When you speak of a "divorce" (a document of the world) as being "final," you are giving the world power over something in which it has no part, God's covenant with you and your husband (and the covenant marriage of the other couple involved.) When you speak of your "ex" or someone else's, you are showing us that you buy the world's version. DON'T buy the world's version. It is as unreliable as its master, the Prince of Liars.
Mary of Galilee did not say, "Be it done unto me as I decide it will" or "Be it done unto me as sorta kinda accidentally happens, and I'll call THAT God's will." She looked to God's WORD for her guidance. She submitted to this plan whose outcome she could not foresee-- and which would bring her the most enormous pain imaginable, her Son dying the worst death in history. She made herself available as a conduit for God's will. No holds barred.
You say, "After you read my confession you will understand." M, WHAT is it you think we should understand? That a woman who is lonely for a man's attentions will be flattered by a man's attentions? THIS IS NEWS? We already knew that, girl. We've been there. We've done that, or we've considered doing that, or we've tried to imagine what that would be like and how "nice" it would be if some Prince Charming came along and simplified this all down to a fairy tale.
That flattery (which looks like it's from a guy, but it's really from Mr. Devil) is called TEMPTATION. The devil is a world-class (literally) liar. Nothing that he promises is his to give, anyway. In the garden, the serpent promised Adam and Eve that if they defied God's word to them, they would be like God. The truth was: they would be like HIM. 180 degrees away from what he said.
Satan took Jesus up to the pinnacle of the temple and offered him all the kingdoms of the earth. Big old load of malarkey: could Satan offer him that? Of course not. This man's attentions to you are the same. He cannot give you what you think he can, "peace," relief, a feeling of worth.
Only God's well has living water: this well is WAY polluted already. This is a man who already has proven himself untrustworthy: he betrayed and devastated your friend. In the face of this evidence, you take the world's view, the short-term view, the view of what's-"GOOD"-for-ME. (If you're hyperventilating here, feeling accused, DON'T. When John the Baptist pointed out at court, as he was SUPPOSED to do, what was going on in terms of sexual immorality, he lost his head. People tend to get touchy when their "SELF" stuff is seen to be in jeopardy.
So feel your feelings for a split-second, there, and then move them out of the way, because they will blind you to God's truth. Walk by faith, not by sight (or by cushy-woo feelings or apparent worldly advantage or whim-of-the-moment).
+++++++ You are justifying your decision to pursue this man, and YES, that's what this is, "pursuit" and "rationalization." This relationship is what is called "soulical adultery" and moving on fast to the whole enchilada. Do you not see the road sign? I believe it says: STRAIGHT AHEAD, ANY MINUTE NOW.
++++ Yes, I love you as a sister in Christ, even if you don't know me personally, and that's why I'm shaking you this way. Let me tell you a story: in 1992 I was assaulted on the job by a drug addict, and I was fired to protect him. Ultimately he wound up committing suicide with an overdose of heroin. His pain-- which he was using the heroin and a whole bunch of other drugs to medicate-- was the product of his bad choices (sexual immorality, occult involvement, alcoholism, multiple addictions). He hurt SO many people in the violent swath he cut through the world.
The very night he died, he paradoxically enough earlier in the evening had "saved" another heroin addict from an overdose by getting him up and pouring cold water on him, shaking him, walking him until he was sober. That's what I'm doing for you. You might not like it now, and you surely won't like HEARING it, but you're "drugged" with the illusion that this man is your Savior. You've got the wrong guy. Jesus is your Savior. I hope other people are walking you, shaking you, pouring cold water on you too, till you come back awake. You are in danger not only of doing yourself dreadful harm but of doing a great deal of evil to many other people.
+++++++++++++ 1 CORINTHIANS 6:18 says "Flee sexual immorality." Lots of places in Scripture we are told to STAND (and see the salvation of our God, etc.) but here we are told in no uncertain terms to TURN TAIL AND RUN.
++++++++++ You say "the Lord knows the end from the beginning". M, he TOLD YOU TO STAND.Because he knew the end from the beginning. DUH!!! His promises to us are: IF you do this, you will get THAT. He didn't give you an option, though, because he knew that if you do what you're considering, you'll get (and GIVE others) a whole load of terrible stuff, pain, misery. He doesn't want THAT for you. He knows the plans he has for you, and they are not for destruction (which you're trying to choose) but for SHALOM. "There is a way that looks right to a man [or a lonely woman] but in the end it leads down to death/destruction." That's Proverbs 14:12. Trust that.
The beginning of the road you're considering looks like the entrance to a beautiful garden, but just over the crest of the hill it turns around a corner into a barren and rocky and treacherous wasteland, and thence to a toxic waste dump. If you decide (as any "other woman" does, and don't fool yourself, you ARE the "other woman" now, the woman of Proverbs 5-7, even if you'd rather not face that fact) to choose to betray your covenant promises, you are directly demonstrating that you trust the devil's lies (THIS WAY TO GLORY!!), not God's truth.
Your friends are not speaking to you because they are horrified. I can by contrast come in and say this because I'm not afraid of losing your friendship, I'm afraid of your losing EVERYTHING.
Look not to your feelings of being flattered but to God's WORD and to His rhema word to you personally. He told us in His Word his will for marriage as a demonstration of his own covenant love. He charged us with walking out what HE walked out: total fidelity, despite circumstances. Did Jesus say, Um, I don't think I will go to the cross, because, um, there's a good matinee today, or, um, that particular guy's sins are too cheesy for me to DIE for, or anything else? No, his love was unconditional. Model on Him.
Our God is the One in whom there is no change or shadow of turning. Look to Him, keep your eyes on Him, ask Him for His focus, strength, love, and courage. He will give them all to you, along with the WISDOM you need. (James 1:5) In fact, it wouldn't be a bad idea to sit down and pray the ENTIRE Letter of James today. It's not much longer than this letter of mine, and it's right from GOD!!
Then read all the Proverbs which contrast the way of the "fool" with the way of WISDOM. If you think, in response to what I'm saying, "YES, but you just don't understand," in fact I do. Six ways to Sunday I do. Trust me. But more than that, trust God's Word, not the illusions of the world. The riches of his mercy and the fruit of his goodness are so far beyond anything [that the devil could even THINK of promising you] that once you have a taste of them you will not even be TEMPTED to anything else.
Who would want to drink from a stagnant, polluted cistern when the streams of En-Gedi, rolling pristine down from the mountains, run pure and free?
We will be praying for your release from this bondage. You say you are remorseful but you're not, M. You're making every excuse in the book. That's not remorse, that's its opposite. Your release from this bondage/deception is what your letter asked, even if you didn't know you were asking it. It was a cry for help. You didn't even need to say ANY of this: you could've just skulked off to Deception unannounced. So you wanted us to save you from yourself (that is, from listening to Da Debbil).
Okay, we'll help. We'll exhort you. We'll pray. God bless you bigtime. -- ingrid hill
p.s. "Poverty and shame will come to him/her who disdains correction, but he/she who regards a rebuke will be honored." Proverbs 13:18
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