The King's Gardeners Ministries
Reverend S. L. Gardner
Spokane Valley, Washington US
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- Divorce and Emotional Blackmail -
I know there are many teachings about not resisting divorce because it will make a spouse mad or keep them from coming home.
First, I would like to say that making any decision when fear is present is highly questionable. So easy advise would be to stop for just a moment each time a decision is to be made and discern how fearful you are. Find out what you fear and why. Pray for God's wisdom and that will help you deal with it. Easy to say sometimes hard to do, but well worth the efforts. Coming into agreement with that fear makes you and the devil and your spouses sin in agreement. That fear puts you into a position of establishing a three-fold cord and the Word of God is true - it cannot be easily broken. (Eccl 4:12) I am speaking about agreement here that goes far beyond the agreement of believers in covenant. Doing what is right because it is right is our command from God.
Deuteronomy 5:32 and 33, tells us, "Therefore you people shall be watchful to do as the Lord your God has commanded you; you shall not turn aside to the right hand or to the left. You shall walk in all the ways, which the Lord your God has commanded you, that you may live and that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land, which you SHALL possess. Our "land" includes our homes and our spouses. What does it say to do so that God will make it so we SHALL possess?
Deuteronomy 6:18 - 19, "And you shall do what is right and good in the sight of the Lord, that it may go well with you and that you may go in and possess the good land which the Lord swore to give to your fathers. To cast out all your enemies before you, as the Lord has promised." We want all to go well with us don't we?
Joshua 1:9 says, "Have not I commanded you? Be strong, vigorous, and very courageous. Be not afraid, neither be dismayed for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." Do we believe the Word of God or the manipulation by fear of people? Does it say be all those things unless your spouse may get mad at you? Heavens NO!
Joshua 1:18 says, "Whoever rebels against your commandment and will not hearken to all you command him shall be put to death, only be strong, vigorous, and of good courage." Who is that verse speaking to? The people of God who were in a place where the enemy was all around and they were fearful. God never tells us to make our decisions based on fear other than the reverential fear of God. Definitely not of fear of anything man can do to us.
Psalm 118:6 In fact "the reverential fear of God is the beginning of wisdom" not fear of what our spouses will do, won't do, will feel or won't feel.
Job 28:28 Deuteronomy 12:8-10 tells us to do what is right in the Lords eyes and not what is right in the eyes of man. "You shall not do according to all we do here in the camp this day, every man doing whatever looks right in his own eyes. For you have not yet come to the rest and to the inheritance which the Lord your God gives you. But WHEN you go over the Jordan and dwell in the land which the Lord your God CAUSES you to inherit, and He gives you rest FROM ALL YOUR ENEMIES ROUND ABOUT SO THAT YOU DWELL IN SAFETY…"
So my dear friends we know the Lord is going to send us right into the land where the enemy is. It does not say we will dwell in the manipulation of fear it says we will dwell in SAFETY. Some say that we must be like Jesus and stand before the Judges mute. Well folks, Jesus DIDN'T exactly stand before the Judges mute. Jesus case had already been pled in the Sanhedrin, which was the court of law. He spoke to them quite eloquently but with godly reservation in obedience to the Father and not His own fears.
The Sanhedrin was no longer a godly place of Judgment but even they didn't want to take the responsibility for killing Jesus. So they threw the "case" to the governor. The case was "appealed" so to speak. Pilate knew the case and Jesus had nothing to ADD to what had already been said.
Pilate made a judgment based on the facts he knew. You see the case had been presented or he couldn't have made a "finding" that he FOUND no fault in this man!!!!
Pilate obviously had been examining some kind of case. He is not ignorant in his judgment. Jesus knew his destiny was to die for our sins. If he had opened his mouth at that point he would have brought life into the situation and heaven would have vindicated him as had been done so many times in the past. We are not called to a death sentence. We are not called to be crucified in the courts but rather we are commanded to bring the good news to the world. The good news is NOT divorce. The good news is salvation and restoration of the dead and dying world of our marriages. It is submitting to the courts that even as American citizens we are not being treated properly. Where is our example of that? Try reading Acts 22 where Paul stood before the court and claimed his civil rights! And God certainly agreed with him because Paul was vindicated completely. He was not vindicated because he was a great godly man he was vindicated because he was claiming his rights as a citizen of that country!
We are certainly NOT called to come into agreement with death or the enemy of our marriages. John 10:10 says, "The thief comes only in order to steal kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance to the full till it overflows. I am the Good Shepherd. The good Shepherd risks and lays down His own life for the sheep." If we are to be the example of Jesus then lay down your life. Don't get involved in manipulation through fear. Stand for life and not for death. Don't agree with death!!!!!
1 Timothy 6:12, "Fight the good fight of faith; lay hold of the eternal life to which you were summoned and for which you confessed the good confession of faith before many witnesses." We are not told to flee the good protest but to protest it in faith. God appoints the government and the courts. Proverbs 8:16 "By Me princes rule, and nobles, even all the judges and governors of the earth."
The kingdom of heaven and the kingdom of earth of which our Lord Jesus is ruler since the cross becomes the kingdom of his children unless we abdicate our positions. That is one of the greatest reasons we are in so much trouble now. Christians have abdicated and not objected to wrong. In fact the fruit of that is obvious. This country "under God" has been given over to those who are more in league with the devils plans than our Lords.
Titus 2:15 tells us, "Tell them all these things. Urge advise, encourage, warn and rebuke with full authority. Let no one despise or disregard or think little of you, conduct yourself and your teaching so as to COMMAND respect." Jesus was no wimp and stood up to the ungodly authority more than once.
Samuel the man of God came against Saul the very king God anointed to rebuke him because of his wrong. Do you really think Samuel wasn't just a bit concerned about making Saul mad? Saul was known for his temper and literally could have had Samuel killed on the spot. Samuel didn't say to God. Oh God I don't want to do this and make the king mad cause maybe he won't repent if I make him mad. No!!! Repentance is in the heart of man and the hand of the Lord.
Luke 17:3 says, "Pay attention and always be on your guard looking out for one another. If your brother sins, solemnly tell him so and reprove him, and if he repents forgive him." Does it say unless it involves a court? Or unless it involves making your spouse angry because they are in sin? Or does it say unless the objection is to the court of your country? NO! Each Standers protesting to the courts will be different. Actually for most it will be in the original response papers where you can tell the court your spouse, their attorney and anyone else the Lord leads to read it that what is happening to you is Biblically and Constitutionally incorrect.
Some may even go farther and use the resources on The King's Gardeners Ministries Website to tell the court that divorce under no-fault isn't even correct according to the legal rules. The majority of Standers have to deal with emotional blackmail. This can come in forms of telling you that you can have whatever you want if you just sign. Some will threaten to take children if you don't sign. Others will offer great financial rewards for signing and great child support.
Please understand that all these things can be taken back to court for little or no cost by your beloved rebel after a year of the final hearing. Modifications are made and usually to the detriment of the Stander if the original decree amount doesn't fit the state guidelines.
That's another thing - look up what your state says the spouse has to pay. You may find you're being offered something that is already yours even if you protest. The Word says quote - My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge because you have rejected knowledge of the law.... unquote; Hosea 4:6
Nowhere in scripture do you find that you are to agree with sin cause it might make someone mad if you don't. Quite the opposite. John 15:20 tells us, "Remember that I told you, a servant is not greater than his master. If they persecuted me, they will also persecute you; if they kept My word and obeyed My teachings, they will also keep and obey yours. But they will do all this to you, inflict all this suffering on you because of your bearing My name and on My account, for they do not know or understand the One Who sent Me." Does this imply that we are to avoid persecution because someone may get mad at us? They are mad at us already!!!
Being manipulated by fear, threat or because we can "keep the peace" must be considered in every decision we make. Otherwise we may end up just like current day Israel that we are told to watch as an example. They are giving up what God has given them to gain a false peace that will not last and is going to put them in agreement with the anti-Christ. 1 Corinthians 4:10 says, "For the kingdom of God consists of and is based on not talk but power, moral power and excellence of soul." We are told to fight the good fight. We are called warriors, soldiers and Gods army. We are told to be all these things with a pure heart and that's where we fail the majority of the time. We must consistently examine our own hearts for roots of bitterness that bring actions of ungodliness.
We are protesting for our marriages but also for the future generations. Our children are watching the standard we set before them. Do we protest a godly protest and resist the devil until death? Or do we fold because we are afraid God can't change the "mad" or "hard heart" of our spouses? Who do you fear? Man's flesh or do you have reverential fear for God!!?? Fear of God brings us all good things, fear of our spouses doesn't. We must let go of the fear of our spouses, deal with our own hearts so that we deal with them honorably and definitely do not do ANYTHING to defy God.
Deuteronomy 13:18 tells us to hearken to the voice of the Lord our God who has clearly said not to deal treacherously with the mate of our covenant. How does this apply to Standers? Well how about agreeing with something you don't agree with just to manipulate them? If I agree to the divorce then they will return to me and won't be mad at me. The word of God says give NO place to the devil.
Letting go of your spouse is not doing ANYTHING because then it will be more expedient for you or them. Letting go of your spouse is doing what God says no matter what it looks like. Again we are talking about a heart attitude here and that must be examined closely. HOWEVER it is NEVER right to voluntarily agree with what God hates.
1 Kings 11:38 tells us tells us to obey God and that if we do that God himself will build our houses. So what is the choice, not agreeing with what God hates or giving into fear that our spouses "mad" will be greater than our God? Who do you want to build your house? God of course!!! Because you did what He commands and agree with what He agrees with or the flesh which will be destroyed. Now, let me qualify that again by saying that if there is bitterness, vindictiveness, hatefulness, or other heart motives for resisting divorce the attempts to plant good seed will fail and the result will be awful. But even at that God is greater.
I guess it's a choice of having your future house built on the rock or on sand. Don't ever forget the power of agreement. You must always be conscious of who you're agreeing with, what you're agreeing with and why. I understand that it is impossible in most states to "stop" a divorce. However we are told to resist the devil. James 4:7 nowhere are we told to agree with what God clearly states He hates. Malachi 2:16 Does that mean we will not be forced to sign papers in some cases? No, it means we resist to the best of our ability. Until recently that wasn't even possible but now it is.
Even when a Stander can't stop or even curb the headlong rush toward divorce we can now Stand along side those who have gone before us. We can stand in objection to what is biblically and now is becoming known is civilly wrong. As I said before the protest can be registered in the original response papers even if you have to agree with the rest of the settlement proposals. Objecting to the divorce doesn't mean you are objecting to everything presented to you. Agreement and objection is done item by item.
The courts of the land belong to God. They must be taken back by God's people - each of us to the extent we can. Please - if you are faced with divorce and don't have to "agree" by signing it DON'T. There is not one state that can force you to sign without having to register that you are signing under protest. That way your signature is NOT agreement.
The Biblical and legal grounds for resisting or protesting a divorce can be found at http://ShalomRefuge.com/tkgm. Thousands of hours and hundreds of thousands of dollars have been spent to provide examples of resistance for you. Even if all you can do is register your protest that what is happening to you is biblically and constitutionally wrong DO IT! It will educate and plant seed and pave the way for the next Stander who may be able to resist in a stronger way. Even if you are forced to sign your spouse, their attorney and countless "authorities" in the court, will read your "resistance". If you are forced into divorce court plant godly seed!
Some Standers use the title Prodigal to describe their beloved rebel. The story is wonderful but we must remember one thing. The Prodigal son was asking for something that was his and was instituted by God. It was his inheritance and he was well within his rights to ask for it. Our "prodigals" are asking for something that is NOT godly, NOT ordained by God, (Matthew 19:8), is NOTtheir right and is against what God intends.
We are NOT the prodigal father who should send our beloved rebels off with our blessing giving them all they ask for. We must be sensitive to the Spirit of God in this respect and either give or withhold as the Holy Spirit instructs. Be continually mindful of your own motivations. Check for fear, bitterness, vengence type feelings. Our Lord may be instructing you to give or our Lord may be saying that He is going to bring accountability by withholding from the beloved rebel.
The Lord can use either situation for His glory. Your beloved may kick and scream like a child if the Lord withholds but be strong through that too. Obedience to the Lord is the key issue here, not if your spouse is angry or not. If there is anyway possible be a three-fold cord with God and other Standers in resisting the wrongs done in the court.
For years Standers have read scriptures at the "final" hearings. They stood and some were severely punished for it financially. Now you are being handed the means to say I know I can't stop this but it what is being done is wrong and this is why. Hopefully some Standers can appeal and help stem the tide of this ungodly rampage through the marriage covenants of God.
All of us can register a protest and educate those involved that there is more than religion involved in our protest. Religion is routinely dismissed in the courts but the Constitution and legal process violations are another story.
Food for thought - If you sign a divorce decree just to get it over with and end the "pain" how do you know you haven't circumvented God's plan to bring about restoration prior to the divorce being forced upon you?
The feeling of peace Standers get by deciding to do nothing is not a definite confirmation either. Release of stress can bring a feeling of peace. Making some kind of decision may do that we are to walk by faith not by sight or feelings. No, I'm not saying if you have to sign that you've destroyed God's plan but signing prior to all avenues being explored may not be God's will. We are to resist the devil and his plans to the best of our ability not aid them along.
God bless you as you walk the difficult road you've been forced to walk. Practical support is available in the legal section of the website at http://ShalomRefuge.com/tkgm.
May Gods richest blessings overtake you as you walk in His will.
Rev. Dr. S.L. Gardner
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